I asked Mom to meet me for pizza after class today, and she was happy to. It’s a favorite place of ours. And as Megan Tweeted, no one had to do dishes! (Always a plus in my book.)
Anyway, for a while now, I’ve been agonizing over the best way to share everything with Mom. Of course when I finally sat down with her, I blurted everything out. All at once. Just bleh: Michael Lott, Wallace, Walt Disney and his Haunts, Edison Square, The Society, and how I really think they all somehow link back to Grandpa.
Mom stopped me. Leaned across the table. And she said she didn’t know how many times she had to tell me that she doesn’t know anything. Not. A. Thing. And that hearing about Grandpa honestly makes her angry now. Angry that he never talked to her about what he was up to. That he hardly talked to her at all. That everything he did was for work. And that he had the nerve to call it top secret.
I told her I believe that his work WAS top secret, but that he was thinking about her all along. And that I’m not the only one who thinks this.
She gave me a look. Asked me who else I had shared this with. So I told her about all of you, explaining that I didn’t know who to go to with the questions I had about Grandpa. I didn’t know how to make sense of it all. So, I just put it out there in the universe. And the internet universe was good to me, introducing me to good people. Really kind, generous people.
I thought she was angry before. That was nothing. And she didn’t get loud or anything. It was all in the way she said: You promised to leave Grandpa to me. That was personal. How could you share that with other people? Then she said she couldn’t do this right now. It’s her day off and she has too many things to take care of. She doesn’t have the time.
When I got home, after work, I saw a note from her that she had taken another nurse’s shift tonight. But I haven’t given up. Just the opposite. I’m determined to see this through the end. I want her to know her father. And I still have one more thing I have to show her.